The day I ate biscuits...

I keep this one as the title, coz, 'The day I ate biscuits', i promised myself that I would be writing a post soon. That is, if I managed to get thru the day. What happened you ask... well, that's yetAnotherStory. There's really not much "Adult" stuff (As it turns out, my sis has taken up reading the blog - so, I'm watching my words n all here :D). The news came as a shock to me. If i recall correctly, her exact words were 'Hey Rohitya, came across your blog. You were right, they are not very sisterly, but, they were very funny. I am reading it out to Mummy right now', she said as I began preparing my will and letter of resignation. Surely, there wouldn be much left of me, once mum read this blog.

The new readers are probably wondering, what kind of a casanova i must be. Fear not friends, for my romantic life has as many successes as Ajit Agarkar centuries, as Anupam Kher hair or president Bush testosterone. How google managed to interpret its contents and display 'relevant' ads of Gay dating sites to this day i not know.. What possibly might google gain from its attempts to 'purge' any shreds of my practically non-existent 'love life', by sabotaging it with ads from gay sites i do not know. I say practically non-existent coz only recently I made out with this really special beautiful girl... That counts for something right? Even if I were dreaming about it.

Its been more than a month since I wrote para one up there, so I am expecting this post to be published somewhere around July 2020. I would advise all ardent fans NOT to hold their breath on that, coz, improbable as it may sound, I HAVE been known to procrastinate... Shocker isnt it... I know... :D.

Well, to bring you guys update to date on whats been happening round about these parts, with the coming onslaught of exams havent really had much of a change to do something adventurous... Thats my latest excuse for sitting back home and sleeping. From what I can recall, apart from the really crazy in the moment naughty stuff I 've been doing(psst... shhhhhhhh... sis reads this blog remember), there's been the intra company cricket tournament I took part in last weekend(read as GOD knows how many months ago now) - the results of which will not be put up here, as they could tarnish my ego for a long time to come. Also, I dread my future kids* stumbling onto this post. (*the one's I adopt after every female on this planet rejects me)

Just got off the phone with Mum. Its at that exact moment that Mum called that certain colleagues decided to invite me for the new Bond movie, "Quantum of Solace", to which, being the classic comedian that I am, had to retort - Condom - No thanx. Already have one. Now to the ordinary(read as reasonably protective) mum, this might not be a problem. But, if you take into account the one hour lecture on AIDS I got (keep in mind - Mum to 23 year old son) the last time I went home, when she discovered that i was on phone with a girl, you get an idea of what I am talking about. Needless to say, this phone conversation with Mum didn last very long.

I really dont have much else to add over here. Just thought I did dust off the cobwebs that would probably have accumulated over here. From here its back to an an empty house for the weekend, because, I abandoned a weekend get away plan with the roomies - 'to study' for the exam coming next week. But, given that there is an 'entire' week to prepare for it, its probably gonna be sit bk n relax with some corny movies.

P.S. : The last line was written more than 4 months ago.. My duty today... Click the 'Publish' button... :)

Can I speak to Mrs. Ramani ArunKumar...

... said the voice on the other end of a mobile phone, in the hands of our protagonist/author, for what seemed like the one millionth time. It had all begun early last June or so... (psst... clue... break time folks... go get your popcorn and pepsi... story coming up)

Introduction:(Some month - some day - last year I think - man that's one crappy mmry)
Our author, after one whole month of mobilelessness, finally recieves a new SIM card from his best friend. Thrilled, he plugs it in into his Nokia 3SomethingSomethingSomething (Jesus Christ - who the hell zapped me with the MIB - miserable excuse for an artists depiction of memory zapper thingee).

Procrastinating Protagonist(Pro P) : Sigh... finally... a SIM... which girl do I call first!! which girl do i call first. (He knew this one was a toughie - life's problems just kept getting more and more complex by the day. yetAnotherToughDecision - he meditated for a minute, AND as he so did, the words came to him, as if from beyond. He recognized the wisdom in the voice, a pattern he was now only too familiar with - "Just flip the damn coin bean(sigh!!! one of his many corny nick names)", it said. Yea... he did been watchin too many corny movie's lately).

Heads it was... And just as he was dialing his mum's number(sis would have to wait), the phone began to ring. For what was the first time in a series of calls, that would someday drive him mad enough to listen to 'Himesh Reshammiya' songs to get a break, the voice said, "Can I speak to Mrs. Ramani ArunKumar?"

Pro P: "Sorry... Wrong number"

Many days and several missed calls later, whence, he had recieved more well wishes(messages) from random numbers, CitiBank, ICICI and God knows what banks on the occassion of his assumed birthday, his assumed anniversary and even the birthday of his daughter [:o - when did I do that???] M/s Niveditha ArunKumar than he had in his entire life, he learnt that this was no ordinary woman. Apparently this lady(or so the incoming messages suggested), owed CITI bank a lakh odd rupees. The banks (go figure who the genius manager is), i can only presume were pressurizing her into paying this due back by wishing the !@#$ outta her every other chance they got. (I can picture the manager singing 'Lage Raho Munnabhai' and preaching Gandhigiri as a vocation whenever time permitted him to do the same.) Sigh!!! When will this torture end???

Well, the aim of this post perhaps is to request all my readers, all one of them including me, to persuade Mrs. Ramani ArunKumar to update her records so that I could spend more time chatting with my girlfriends(all 0 of them) rather than responding to threatening messages from what sounds like descendents of the lineage of the 40 thieves that Ali Baba had dwindled.

P.S.: Kindly find enclosed my sincere apologies for stealing the last twenty minutes or so of your life. I would like to make ammends for the same, but, given my current salary means that I would only be able to pay you back after the 10 installments i owe my Dhobi. Take care you all.. Love ya.

THY HAVETH BEEN TAGGED

Ooooooooooooo.... yippeeeeeeeeeeeee (yep people still use such sayings)... I have been tagged. This tag has apparently flown in directly all the way from Holland to Delhi and now to 'namma Bengaluru'. I will try to be honest (read as - scribble jargon that 'll sound impressive to my manager just incase he ever comes to this blog and/or a random cute rich smart christian girl who 'll read this post and instantly fall in love with me ~ yes, I live in a fairy tale world) - Appraisal time just around the corner :D

1. LAST MOVIE YOU SAW IN A THEATER: Eeks!!! not a gr8 one to start off with. I would have to go with 'RACE'. The movie was filled with so many corny lines, twists and corny lyrics that 80% of the x-tian people who watched it decieded to go on a confession spree (you know where people like you and me scare the local priest ~ with our scary lives and thoughts ~ Kurbana kolugaa) for having ripped out a huge 3 hour chunk from their lives.
P.S.: I enjoyed the movie. T'was entertaining.

2. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING?: I am supposed to be reading - The World Is Flat. I did like to be reading - The Alchemist(read it once before more than 4 years back - recently learned that it was philosophical in nature - gotta get back to the book to find out in which corner they had hidden the philosophy then). What I am reading - Nothing. (wow - guess its time to scratch 'reading' frm the list of hobbies in my orkut list)

3. FAVORITE BOARD GAME?: I want to say Chess, Backgammon and Chinese Checkers
Chess because they say it makes people sound smart.
Backgammon a game i played so long back that i hardly remember the spelling, much less the rules to the same.
Chinese Checkers - ah!!! what the heck!!! I can play as much checkers as I can backgammon. Atleast i can spell this one right.

4. FAVORITE MAGAZINE?: I probably shouldnt be saying Playboy, but, perhaps if i had got myself a copy, it would be topping the list. Right now, I ll go with RD. (The Life's Like That section eerily reminds you that people's humor sense is dropping at such an alarming rate, that pretty soon people 'll might just come down to this blog to get a few laughs - Heaven Forbid!!!)

5. FAVORITE SMELLS?: Mom's cooking. Kerosene and whatever it is that the lady in cubicle CW 907 is wearing.

6. FAVORITE SOUND?: Ping!!! On yahoo chat or google messenger.

7. WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD?: Unable to help someone you care for out of a misery. When all you can do is pray.

8. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE?: Mmmmm... Last night was fun. Perhaps, next time we can do it somewhere other than in my dreams. I do love bungee jumping. (What!!! What!!! What were you perverted minds thinking anyway? Come on ppl this is a PG 13 blog)

9. FAVORITE FAST FOOD PLACE? Dont go to too many fast food joints. But, I'll go with Barista. Tis where Tanu treats me all the time. And as is the favourite line of every Mallu - free food is good food. :D

10. FUTURE CHILD'S NAME? If its a girl - Vineetha. If its a guy - Arun maybe. Two people I have a huge amount of respect for. I mean HUGE.

11. FINISH THIS STATEMENT. "IF I HAD A LOT OF MONEY I’D...? Not tell anyone about it.

12. DO YOU DRIVE FAST? Ha ha ha... In the last week I have been adviced on the nature of my driving only 4 times. When its a car, I am forced to look out(by Mummy dearest) for that KSRTC bus which is bound to jump off from the other side of the divider to - for reasons beyond me - make a head on collision with my car. When its a bike... I ll leave my roomies to complete that one for me. In short (not expecting my showcase to be filled with 'Safe Driver of the Year' awards anytime soon.

13. DO YOU SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL?: My roomie sure does sound like one, when he's on a roll. We have reasons to believe that his snoring might have been the reason for our neighbours heart stroke last week. Her son, claims that she was suddenly awakened by the sound of wild elephants in the back yard.

14. STORMS-COOL OR SCARY?: Cool. Whats the doubt?

15. WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CAR?: With my current salary - perhaps a Hot Wheels look alike - by the year 2040.

16. FAVORITE DRINK? Anything but Kim's chaapi. (Tis a cross b/w Chaaya(tea) and Kappi(coffee). First served on an experimental basis by my cousin, who was perhaps not in the mood to entertain the guests who had decieded to show up the day before her University exams.

17. FINISH THIS STATEMENT, "IF I HAD THE TIME I WOULD..." : Ooh... I answered that one yesterday. Hmmm.. If time were paused, go perhaps to a sunny beach and spend it with a close friend(read as any supermodel from Victoria's secret catalogue willing to sit close to me)

18. DO YOU EAT THE STEMS ON BROCCOLI? Only Dad cooks that one. Now here's a man who can make bread sticks taste amazing.

19. IF YOU COULD DYE YOUR HAIR ANY COLOR, WHAT WOULD BE YOUR CHOICE? hmmm... Hadnt thought of that one before... Come to think of it, it is actually possible to make myself look scarier than i already am. WOW. Didnt think that was possible.

20. NAME ALL THE DIFFERENT CITIES/TOWNS YOU HAVE LIVED IN. Calcutta, Darjeeling, Aurangabad, Mysore, Chickmaglur, Abu Dhabi, Dubai, Sharjah... I could go on and on and on. (In short, the inhabitants find the inevitable need to evict me, if possible, from the very country they live in)

21. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH? Kamasutra sport (ooh what fun :p) I guess, IPL currently.

22. ONE NICE THING ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU.: Wow... That'a a toughie :p Well, she's an amazing person with a great sense of humor and a way of thinking I am very much impressed with.

23. WHAT'S UNDER YOUR BED? I am a bachelor sleeping on a mattress... I dont know!!!

24. WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE BORN AS YOURSELF AGAIN? : Sure... As long as the fine print in the contract says, big broad shoulders and 6 pack abs come as freebies along with that wish.

25. MORNING PERSON, OR NIGHT OWL? : Night owl!!!

26. OVER EASY, OR SUNNY SIDE UP? : Scrambled eggs...!!! You dont have to look disheartened that its not pretty :)

27. FAVORITE PLACE TO RELAX? : Me bed.

28. FAVORITE PIE? Like I said... Anything with a dash of Dad's magic touch in it.

29. FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR? Hot Choclate Fudge.

30. OF ALL THE PEOPLE YOU TAGGED THIS TO, WHO'S MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND FIRST? Oops... I have to tag people now!!! hmm... Mr. Wetspark perhaps.

Okies... wrt the tag... I tag... wetspark, Anu252, Sharat and a certain cocunut~masala (aka nariyal chutney). Hope you folks are as jobless as I am... :D

Ahangaarathinte Divasam!!!

The above title translated in English (for the benefit of my foreign readers) means... 'day of arrogance'... I believe i have done sufficient justice to the demonstration of 'arrogance' with the 'foreign readerz' bit already... Hence, in the interest of heeding to advice from caring friends (read as, fear of being abused for over bragging - yetAgain) i ll try and refrain from the same as much as possible.

As usual, the content of this post is motivated by no more/less than a fiercely pricking conscience which requires me to post something here, every once in a while in order to... in order to... alright... for no meaningful reason. And given, that i am yetAgain fresh out of topicz... i ll try and summarize the past few weekz of my *ahem* *ahem* humble life

And the nominations for the most happening events are:

1) Appraisal meeting with manager finally over. Fer the under-enlightened, an appraisal meeting is one where an employee of a company, takes a tiny peanut (read as work he has done over the year) puts it on a pedastal and then shines the spot light on it... It goes something like... "I dont know if you heard the latest rumors, but, McAfee is indeed firmly well balanced on my two broad shoulderz" ... "Single handedly spearheaded a critical project, which without me wouldnt have released at the time it did" (alternatively read as - Gave them those crappy documents you dumped on me last year... and told them to read it to figure out what to do... oh yea...!!! And also, had zillionz of coffee breaks with them... else the project mite just have released in time instead of 15 days behind schedule)

2) Finally, finally, finally ... went on that bike trip that i have been looking forward to fer weekz... 'Yes it was exhilarating... yes, it was thrilling.. yes, the view was magnificent ... and yes it was an amazing feeling...' are a short list of things our trip planner has threatened us to put up on our respective posts or orkut profiles, if we wanna live to see another day. (Check out pics here)

3) Ooooh.... and she finally said, "Baby just kiss me... kiss me... hold me... hold me"... after almost 2 torturous hours of watching the film 'race'.... I am not sure, what exactly inspired the corny lyrics of that song, but without a doubt it was more inspiring than the plot of the movie, which had so many twists and turns that one wonders if the author had ever heard of a concept called as 'Central Theme'

4) Got tickets to the IPL. First day, first show. April 18th. Expected guests include SRK, Vijay Mallaya, Preity Zinta, Juhi Chawla, Arjun Rampal... bla bla bla... so on and so forth... Wow... talk about star cast. One cant help but have the eerie sense that Mr. Murphy (of the famous Murphy's law) is gonna jump in there somewhere. One can definitely expect it to rain helter skelter. But then again, with all 8 teams bringing in all their cheerleaders to the match, perhaps a rain might not be the worst thing that could happen.

5) As i look down i see my eternal foe who I had promised to myself i would be rid of before the onset of May. Yup, every hot/cold blooded Mallu man knows this foe. It is none other than his very own set of - One Pack Abs (Recent versions come in different architectures - I have a roommate who sports a 3 tier architecture that bears resemblance to ancient Mugal architecture). Now the problem with being a software engineer is that the maximum effort one is ready to put in, is limited to a 'Double Click'. Recent dreams include, a pop-up while browsing the internet with a Dialogue Box that reads -



Whilst you are sure that you have clicked on that OK button atleast a 100 times
you wake up only to find your age old foe still down there - the evil grin on his face!!! And you know in that moment that this is a friendship that is gonna last a long time - pass the tests of time and tide. Girlfriends, annoying teammates and snoring room-mates 'll come and go... But you and me buddy... 'Yeh janam janam ka rishta lagta hai' ... [;)]

Happy singles awareness day

6:14 PM - Sunday, February 24, 2008

Well... Its Sunday evening 6:14 P.M., and I can literally hear most people blurt out... WTF are you doing in the office at ... at ... at? GOD!!! I most certainly would love to say, well, I got a truck load of work that I have to do, but then, nothing did be farther from the truth... The truth, well, being the isolated adrenalin pumped - warm blooded young guy, b/w a bunch of roomies whose ideas of a gr8 weekend vary between installing a new flavour/version of Linux to checking out the latest Design Patterns in Object Oriented Program - not exactly lot of fun.

I would have to admit that picking up the phone and randomly choosing just one friend to see if they did like to hang out - wasnt exactly gonna win me the 'Best Weekend Planner' of the year award nor gonna produce significantly exhilirating weekend, but then, in an age where they can sell in hundreds of thousands an excercise machine that simulates jogging, while lying down... well, does anyone have a record in history of Lazier generation? (I guess completing that sentence is not even necessary)



Without doubt, in an ideal world, this very instant i did be at the peak of a mountain/hill enjoying the view after a day long trek of the mist and forests below? Heck, if it be an ideal world, i did be at the top of this mountain in a tent with two girls i had randomly chosen from, (by throwing a die), from a gang of twenty models who had co-incidentally(dont you love it when things just work out) come up there to take a break. Unfortunately, being in the real world, just narrowly removed from Utopia, meant that i have to settle for slumping in a rotating chair, cup of coffee in hand wondering how i could possibly squeeze a little more life out of this slow painful weekend.

At this time, I have to admit that my rationale, for being here is as weak as choosing the lesser of the two evils.. either this or having roommate X, shove his laptop in my face, sporting a thousand watt smile, for finally having installed some flavour of bling-blong-bla-bla that has a more robust bling-blong-bla-bla than the other bling-blong-bla-bla whose bling-blong-bla-bla just lacks in bling-blong-bla-bla, bling-blong-bla-bla and bling-blong-bla-bla. Without doubt putting up such a sentence in a blog, whose the majority of friends of the author are members of the IT industry mite sound slightly risky, but, it should be noted that the author has been inspired by a fellow friend, who chose to pillion ride with the author from a choice of 4 other bikes, simply because he 'mocked', 'What is life w/o a few risks?'
It goes without saying that the author then decieded to give his pillion rider(whose till that moment in time the definition of risk was to travel at 50 plus km/h on an empty road) a piece of his mind. It also, should go without saying that the author is unable to wipe the smirk off his face, recalling the shrill sounds that came from his pillion rider, seconds after he pushed the electric start on the bike. (*evil laugh follows*)

Well, in a complete change of topics, the author would like to wish his fellow readers (all one of them including himself) a very belated Happy Singles Awareness Day - also, more popularly referred to as 'Happy Valentines Day'. He he... !!! Guess all the singles out there know what I mean... !!! Its been fun reading your blogs!! Goodnight world... Take care

February 12th, 2008 - 8:55 a.m.

A bike slides into the office basement. Its an Apache 160 RTR, showing shades of its once splendorous metallic black surface admidst its now spotted skin. The gaze of two guards drift continuously b/w the juggernaut of a bike and each other's eye, while only wasting fractions of milli(if not nano) seconds blinking their eyes off. Shocking sights they say, can be fatal to those now sporting shades of white hair. Then again, there are the exceptionally shocking scenes that can prove fatal to a mere mortal enacting any time period in this play called life.
The rider watches as one of these guards tries to pinch himself awake and the other stares with disbelief at his watch. Rohit George Mathews, they say, has NEVER..... never been sighted at this premises in these wee hours of the morning.

Confessions of a Born Procrastinator
31 posts, last published on 04-Dec-2007