Its been two months since I started writing this blog, and, so far I can see that its been a resounding success. I mean all the readers have been tremendously encouraging. The sheer volume of comments in each post is over-whelming (two in the last and four in the one before). I have been so inspired by my own posts, that I myself have put in 50% of those comments.
The feedback i have recieved in person has been even better. I owe a lot to my room-mates here. They have been very encouragin on this front. Devasssy said, "the other day, I was so bored, I read all your posts that were written in English. It took me a whole 30 seconds. There were the google ads and Chickmaglur trip photos. Couldnt really understand much else"
Funda, not to be outdone, din take long before adding, "Dude, its very true what you write in your posts. 'What am I talking about?'. I dont have any idea, and I dont think many of the other reader's would disagree." (P.S. : This comment was on the post i deleted last week. So, no use searching for it.)
RGC, (ah yes our smart and handsome hero), as is characteristic of him puts it very subtly, "I came to your blog, read one para and clicked on the link to that chick's blog." Dear, RGC, I appreciate your honesty and frankness, but, buddy, you dont have to be completely honest all of the time.
In other news, after a very gruellin 2 months continuous at the office( weekends included), I am finally at HOME SWEET HOME. Before coming home, I did the requisite little shopping from FORUM mall. 3 families of eagerly waiting cousins, who prefer to address me as 'Chocolate evide' (read as Where r the chocolates'),every time I come home, somehow add to the in-evitability of this pit stop. The sheer volume of eye candy didnt also do much to cut down the shopping time to half.
After about an hour of roaming, it came to dawn upon me that none of the girls were actually gonna come up to me and say, "Hi.. I have been noticing you for a while. If you dont mind, would you like to join me for a coffee?". Realising this, i headed straight for the bus stop.
The trip home was very exciting. I couldnt have slept if i wanted to. The guy sitting next to me gave me a as-pleasant-as-poison-ivy-on-christmas kinda smile. 4 years in Calicut(famous for its as-happy-as-gay culture) had taught me that shutting my eyes even for a moment could prove to be a dangerous gamble. The film they had put on wasnt exactly helping the cause... Somehow, 3 guys chasing a frog that supposedly helps them identify, which is the witch out of the two actresses on screen -hmmmm- not my cup of tea.
Saturday, April 21, 2007
Friday, April 13, 2007
It has begun
There is a guy in the opposite cubicle playing music at high volume. I see two team mates, both head banging - only in very different ways. I know one of them is enjoying the music. The other, well, currently his goal seems to be punch a hole thru his desk.
RGM aka xIOnIx better known as me belongs to the extremely rare breed of human's called the people pleaser. Now, this breed of humans have a very peculiar problem. They need every human being on Earth to like them. No, they cant have exception's to this rule . It hurts. It hurts their pride and even more so(for reasons beyond the paranormal) their concsience. Their deepest fears measure two in number -
a) Diversity .........
b) Politics ..........
Para 1 is a classic example of Deep Fear (a). Deep Fear (b) is something i had hoped i would never be involved in. Even in college i tried to keep away from it, atleast whatever little of it was present in a college, where politics were 'supposedly' banned.
Apparently or so I have come to learn, this isnt part of the algorithm the big man upstairs has prepared for us. The master plan includes a step (with no conditional escape sequence) which says that we all one day have to face our greatest fears. The past week for the most part, were filled with negotiations, attempted match-fixings, if i dare say b/w me and the Almighty. I might have known that all the tricks up my sleeve + two of my most powerful trump card's would do nothing to mould his mood. The master plan did not have a flaw. Hence, it could not be broken. It could not be shaped thru mere mortal yearnings.
Ahhhhhh!!!! Enuf of the philosophiticsm(dont look it up on Webster's... I just made up that word). Let's have a brief look into what I am talking about shall we. I am not sure if many of you remember, but, about a few months ago, I was drawn into the trap of "the project that should not be named". It strikes fear into the heart of engineer's as Lord Voldemort( I can take his name... I 'm not a muggle) in the heart of non-muggles. Every other engineer who had worked on this project had either lost sanity(the lucky ones) or left the company within nine months of starting off(regular nightmares still haunt these poor souls). The management realises that it would be best to draw someone naive into the clutches of this monster.
Said one clever manager to the other, "Why not trap that nut(read as poor little me) who keeps wandering from cubicle to cubicle and once to often for comfort into the HR section?. Its not like he is gonna get a job anywhere else.He cant run away." Heinous laugh follows.
During the course of the next week, the manager arms him with what he thinks is more equipment than he will ever require for this mission.
Manager:"Now you remember whatever i told you. There is a little group of, well, not-so-nice people who live on the other side of this mountain. We call them vampires. They come out only at night, so, you will need this torch."
PHooL(PHoor Little Naive Me): "Hmmmmm"
Manager(chooses his words carefully): "They should not be infinite in number. So you should not have any trouble eliminating their entire race"
PHooL:"Cool"
Manager: "Here is your metal cross, garlic spray, 5 silver bullets, this rust-coloured(or so he claims) gun. Use ANY one of these and he should dissappear into a cloud of smoke"
PHool:"Will, I really need all this?"
Manager: "Actually, no. But, since this is a first for you, we want to make things really easy for you" (Smiles - he must have been practising for a long time now to perfect that)
"Oh and here. You can take this wooden stake too. Mite come in handy"
PHooL:"Wow ... geee.... golly" (now totally overwhelmed and at a loss for words)
Our hero sets off in the direction of his mission, fully convinced, that truly there would be none in this world more luckier than him. OOooooooooooooooooooh, how naive could he be. Oblivious was he to the fact, that these so called vampires feasted on human blood. Oblivious was he to the fact that these monsters could fly. Oblivious, was he to the fact that these vile creations of time did not have souls. Their actions were not bound by conscience. Their wrath knew no limits.
He didnt understand the deep stench around him. Why didnt someone tell him that it was from the deep shit he was walking into?
For four months, our hero walked through the shit. Being the smart man he was, it didnt take him more than a month to figure out that he was in Deep Shit. Its viscosity just thick enough to keep him stuck in it,while not permittin him to sink in its sins.
**************--------------------> Into present day
A couple of days ago, I recieved this mail. Actually it was a chain of mails. Summarized, its contents translated as follows. (My) Manager's manager tells senior executives (product development incharge and VP of India operations) that he would like to give a demonstration of the (seemingly) excellent work that has been carried out so far. Wow, talk about opportunity coming and slapping you hard in your face. "Wake up boy... Its time to cash in".. Kisi ne sahin kaha hai, "Dene waala jab bhi deta, deta chappad phaadke"
Well, not that good, but, good enuf anyway. I mean presentation with the big shots. Ever come across a shorter foot path to success. As one would have expected, envy (check it out) and success do come hand in hand. Suddenly, our hero is caught in the midst of a political debacle.
Salient features of debacle:
a) New news, manager to give presentation to big shots (after I give him and his immediate manager a presentation on all the work I carried out)
b) I have no issues with point (a)(manager is a very nice and helpful guy), but, what makes it interesting is that, my mentor for the task (apparently:sworn enemy of the manager) hates the fact that manager dearest gets to take credit for the same, after him and me do all the swimmin thru deep shit.
c) Further confusions caused when people come and tell mentor, "Dude, that new chap Rohit has done a gr8 job with that ePO work na"
Harmless sentence, when read by a third party. But when read as, "Manager and Rohit make project a huge success, without ANY other external help", well, then it becomes a problem.
How i will convey to the chap, that I am without a doubt eternally grateful for all his help... I do not know. When put in a pickle where i have to choose between manager and his sworn enemy, what do I do... I do not know... Interesting isnt it... Ah well, "Que serai serai...."
Oh yeah... and here is something interesting that I came across in a blog recently...Am sure a lot of you will have valuable comments on the same :))
RGM aka xIOnIx better known as me belongs to the extremely rare breed of human's called the people pleaser. Now, this breed of humans have a very peculiar problem. They need every human being on Earth to like them. No, they cant have exception's to this rule . It hurts. It hurts their pride and even more so(for reasons beyond the paranormal) their concsience. Their deepest fears measure two in number -
a) Diversity .........
b) Politics ..........
Para 1 is a classic example of Deep Fear (a). Deep Fear (b) is something i had hoped i would never be involved in. Even in college i tried to keep away from it, atleast whatever little of it was present in a college, where politics were 'supposedly' banned.
Apparently or so I have come to learn, this isnt part of the algorithm the big man upstairs has prepared for us. The master plan includes a step (with no conditional escape sequence) which says that we all one day have to face our greatest fears. The past week for the most part, were filled with negotiations, attempted match-fixings, if i dare say b/w me and the Almighty. I might have known that all the tricks up my sleeve + two of my most powerful trump card's would do nothing to mould his mood. The master plan did not have a flaw. Hence, it could not be broken. It could not be shaped thru mere mortal yearnings.
Ahhhhhh!!!! Enuf of the philosophiticsm(dont look it up on Webster's... I just made up that word). Let's have a brief look into what I am talking about shall we. I am not sure if many of you remember, but, about a few months ago, I was drawn into the trap of "the project that should not be named". It strikes fear into the heart of engineer's as Lord Voldemort( I can take his name... I 'm not a muggle) in the heart of non-muggles. Every other engineer who had worked on this project had either lost sanity(the lucky ones) or left the company within nine months of starting off(regular nightmares still haunt these poor souls). The management realises that it would be best to draw someone naive into the clutches of this monster.
Said one clever manager to the other, "Why not trap that nut(read as poor little me) who keeps wandering from cubicle to cubicle and once to often for comfort into the HR section?. Its not like he is gonna get a job anywhere else.He cant run away." Heinous laugh follows.
During the course of the next week, the manager arms him with what he thinks is more equipment than he will ever require for this mission.
Manager:"Now you remember whatever i told you. There is a little group of, well, not-so-nice people who live on the other side of this mountain. We call them vampires. They come out only at night, so, you will need this torch."
PHooL(PHoor Little Naive Me): "Hmmmmm"
Manager(chooses his words carefully): "They should not be infinite in number. So you should not have any trouble eliminating their entire race"
PHooL:"Cool"
Manager: "Here is your metal cross, garlic spray, 5 silver bullets, this rust-coloured(or so he claims) gun. Use ANY one of these and he should dissappear into a cloud of smoke"
PHool:"Will, I really need all this?"
Manager: "Actually, no. But, since this is a first for you, we want to make things really easy for you" (Smiles - he must have been practising for a long time now to perfect that)
"Oh and here. You can take this wooden stake too. Mite come in handy"
PHooL:"Wow ... geee.... golly" (now totally overwhelmed and at a loss for words)
Our hero sets off in the direction of his mission, fully convinced, that truly there would be none in this world more luckier than him. OOooooooooooooooooooh, how naive could he be. Oblivious was he to the fact, that these so called vampires feasted on human blood. Oblivious was he to the fact that these monsters could fly. Oblivious, was he to the fact that these vile creations of time did not have souls. Their actions were not bound by conscience. Their wrath knew no limits.
He didnt understand the deep stench around him. Why didnt someone tell him that it was from the deep shit he was walking into?
For four months, our hero walked through the shit. Being the smart man he was, it didnt take him more than a month to figure out that he was in Deep Shit. Its viscosity just thick enough to keep him stuck in it,while not permittin him to sink in its sins.
**************--------------------> Into present day
A couple of days ago, I recieved this mail. Actually it was a chain of mails. Summarized, its contents translated as follows. (My) Manager's manager tells senior executives (product development incharge and VP of India operations) that he would like to give a demonstration of the (seemingly) excellent work that has been carried out so far. Wow, talk about opportunity coming and slapping you hard in your face. "Wake up boy... Its time to cash in".. Kisi ne sahin kaha hai, "Dene waala jab bhi deta, deta chappad phaadke"
Well, not that good, but, good enuf anyway. I mean presentation with the big shots. Ever come across a shorter foot path to success. As one would have expected, envy (check it out) and success do come hand in hand. Suddenly, our hero is caught in the midst of a political debacle.
Salient features of debacle:
a) New news, manager to give presentation to big shots (after I give him and his immediate manager a presentation on all the work I carried out)
b) I have no issues with point (a)(manager is a very nice and helpful guy), but, what makes it interesting is that, my mentor for the task (apparently:sworn enemy of the manager) hates the fact that manager dearest gets to take credit for the same, after him and me do all the swimmin thru deep shit.
c) Further confusions caused when people come and tell mentor, "Dude, that new chap Rohit has done a gr8 job with that ePO work na"
Harmless sentence, when read by a third party. But when read as, "Manager and Rohit make project a huge success, without ANY other external help", well, then it becomes a problem.
How i will convey to the chap, that I am without a doubt eternally grateful for all his help... I do not know. When put in a pickle where i have to choose between manager and his sworn enemy, what do I do... I do not know... Interesting isnt it... Ah well, "Que serai serai...."
Oh yeah... and here is something interesting that I came across in a blog recently...Am sure a lot of you will have valuable comments on the same :))
Friday, April 6, 2007
Google tried to frame me!!!!
They say a picture is worth a thousand words. Well, if there is any truth to that saying, what you are gonna see today will be nothin short of a novel. How, i would luv to go into detail about the backdrop, the contexts and the backstage drama that surrounded these 'non-incidental-works of art'. Unfortunately, neither lady luck, nor the mistress of time seems to be in the mood to shower their special blessings upon me and there is just so much piling up on me that there mite just be an avalanche breakdown (kindly excuse the lingo -> After joinin software, the days of muggin up electronic jargon seem like good ol days to me.... wow... there is somethin
neither I nor any student of Hema Rani wud have ever thought they did say.. )
pseudo Thousand word instance 1:
When i blocked my blog a couple of days ago, thousands* of you asked me what happened. There were rumors, there were assumptions. There was a bandh in TN followed by one in AP. CNN IBN said, "Sachin slams Greg". Ya, I know it doesnt bear any relevance, but, you shud have seen the look on your face :-). You see, about a week ago I added google adsense on this page. About two days ago, the account got approved. The idea is that 'the all powerful google' -kindly ignore the volumes of sarcasm in that phrasing- puts RELEVANT ads on your page based on its contents. Well, I will let the picture do all the talking.
Now, I will admit that the whole idea of google ads was to generate revenue. But, that is definitely not the buisness I had in mind. For all the guys who had sent me well wishes for the same and added that they would come to support my buisness in whatever way they could, thank you for the genuine concern and 'guileless' intent but I guess I will have to dissappoint u. For all the gals(and Devassy) who had sent in applications, sorry... No openings
pseudo Thousand word instance 2, 3 and 4:
Dale Carnegie (renowned author and Leadership instructor), says that the there is a desire in every human that surpasses both his primal and carnal
instincts and that is the feeling of importance. Care to disagree? I am sure you will have different thoughts once you see what some people will do
to get anywhere within the frame outer ridges of the photo. I am sure that Orkut has done nothing but compound the same. :D
pseudo Thousand word instance 5:
Now dats wat i call culinary art:
If you are regular reader here, you probably have been wondering for a while now, what is that Dosa my manager keeps referring to. In the very very likely event that you have not read beyond the topic
or Date of the blog, you are definitely wondering what that grotesque image loaded just below is. I wont keep you all in suspense for much longer folks. This is it... However hard, it may be for you to believe
what you see below is (or atleast was intended to be) a DOSA. I guess this once and for all shatters the myth that there is some act of genius that eludes 'THE RGC'
If he can do this without using any toxic ingredients, well, there really isnt much else he cant do. Is there???
pseudo Thousand word instance 6:
Oh yeah, and we also went to Mysore last weekend. The trip was very ;;;;;;;;interesting;;;;;;;; and there is lots to write abt there also.. :)
* maybe divided by 20 and then further divided by 5. I guess you would have to divide by 5 once more to get the rite figure. Thanks Anphy
and Meera for ur genuine concern *sniff* (tears in my eyes rite now)
neither I nor any student of Hema Rani wud have ever thought they did say.. )
pseudo Thousand word instance 1:
When i blocked my blog a couple of days ago, thousands* of you asked me what happened. There were rumors, there were assumptions. There was a bandh in TN followed by one in AP. CNN IBN said, "Sachin slams Greg". Ya, I know it doesnt bear any relevance, but, you shud have seen the look on your face :-). You see, about a week ago I added google adsense on this page. About two days ago, the account got approved. The idea is that 'the all powerful google' -kindly ignore the volumes of sarcasm in that phrasing- puts RELEVANT ads on your page based on its contents. Well, I will let the picture do all the talking.
Now, I will admit that the whole idea of google ads was to generate revenue. But, that is definitely not the buisness I had in mind. For all the guys who had sent me well wishes for the same and added that they would come to support my buisness in whatever way they could, thank you for the genuine concern and 'guileless' intent but I guess I will have to dissappoint u. For all the gals(and Devassy) who had sent in applications, sorry... No openings
pseudo Thousand word instance 2, 3 and 4:
Dale Carnegie (renowned author and Leadership instructor), says that the there is a desire in every human that surpasses both his primal and carnal
instincts and that is the feeling of importance. Care to disagree? I am sure you will have different thoughts once you see what some people will do
to get anywhere within the frame outer ridges of the photo. I am sure that Orkut has done nothing but compound the same. :D
pseudo Thousand word instance 5:
Now dats wat i call culinary art:
If you are regular reader here, you probably have been wondering for a while now, what is that Dosa my manager keeps referring to. In the very very likely event that you have not read beyond the topic
or Date of the blog, you are definitely wondering what that grotesque image loaded just below is. I wont keep you all in suspense for much longer folks. This is it... However hard, it may be for you to believe
what you see below is (or atleast was intended to be) a DOSA. I guess this once and for all shatters the myth that there is some act of genius that eludes 'THE RGC'
If he can do this without using any toxic ingredients, well, there really isnt much else he cant do. Is there???
pseudo Thousand word instance 6:
Oh yeah, and we also went to Mysore last weekend. The trip was very ;;;;;;;;interesting;;;;;;;; and there is lots to write abt there also.. :)
* maybe divided by 20 and then further divided by 5. I guess you would have to divide by 5 once more to get the rite figure. Thanks Anphy
and Meera for ur genuine concern *sniff* (tears in my eyes rite now)
Thursday, March 29, 2007
I never really believed in black magic. I never believed in hexes not in jinxes. That was RGM about a year ago. Today after 2 months of ePO integration ( the project i am currently working on), i have come to believe that there really may be something to what they call the paranormal... Either that or Rohit G. Mathews has finally flipped
FLASHBACK::::::::::::::::::
It all started 2 months ago. As part of my daily ritual, i was just roaming around the office finding who else is as jobless as me, sometimes accidently roaming into the HR section to keep a watchout for potentially interesting new recruits. (If you are a male wondering what might be so interesting in the HR section, you are definitely not above 13 years of age and shouldnt be reading this blog)
Up in the distance i notice that i had encroached upon doing so my managers line of sight. Having faced identical situations b4, i never made such roam abouts without being fully armed. Instanteously, as if by reflex, I pull out the pen from my holster and mini notepad from the dangling quiver. A set of questions i had prepared overnight serve as the neccessary ammunition. i direct my sights to the nearest compadre (read as team-mate) and stun him with a barrage of questions, questions that would have flabbergasted Herbert Schildt himself and in a style that would have made Navjot Singh Sidhu proud.
Its too late. The predator( read as 'my reporting manager') moves stealthily towards the unsuspecting prey (read as 'poor innocent me'). The prey fears for the worst. His mind rapidly starts preparing answers to the questions that would be shot at him with only seconds to do so ("what happend to the task i gav u two weeks ago":"y r u never at ur desk when i come der":"bla -bla bla-bla bla"). He closes his eyes and looks to inspiration from his mentor for such tasks. It would be exactly like it was in the movie 'The Matrix'. If he were quick enuf he could get away with as little as just a tiny scratch from a bullet. IF HE VER LUCKY.
But, what is this? The predator is shelling out a smile at our prey. Is it the calm b4 the storm? (Only later wud our hero realise that it was indeed the Manager's trump card that he had taken out)
"Rohit", he says. "Are you free? I want to discuss something with you".
Long story short, he convinces our hero to take up ePO integration. He didnt have a choice folks. He was lured in with crafty words like, " You will the contact point for two of McAfee's biggest teams" : "Huge visibility" : "Latest technologies" : "Opportunity knockin". OOOOOOHhhh!!! How unsuspecting and gullible mite our hero have been to fall into this trap.
***********************
Flashback over.... wake up folks... :)
Anyways its two months since that day now. To give you a small peak into how things are here right now i am gonna take a small clipping from a mail that i had written to a friend a few days ago.
******************************************
THE SCENE IS A MEETING: Held last Tuesday
******************************************
...Things here have just stepped into a higher gear... Srini(new manager for this task) has just conveyed the importance of the deadline on April 7th.... His exact words were, "I dont want Rohit disturbed at all. Team, dont overload him with work. He already has a lot of work, much more than anyone else in the team. The reputation of MIC is at stake here. (at this point, my heart and stomach start mimickin the noises you mite have heard in Terminator 3: they were still using that silly ploy). Rohit, if you dont want, you dont have to attend the Thursday All Hands meeting at TAJ. You can stay here and work :D... I sheepishly said, "Thank you sir..." for saving me from all that delicious free food - i wished i had added
Ah well... lets c this shud be fun... I dont c the deadline happenin anyway... Yesterday was the second time in the last week that Muthu(my mentor for the task) spent 3 continous hours at my desk before conceding, "Ok Rohit... you are dead... I dont know what to do... Let GOD save you"... You have to appreciate the genuine concern he has... especially considerin that he is an Athiest...
**************************************************
At this point of my typing the mail, my teammate pops by my desk and says. "aio... look at the very busy person sittin der and typin an essay.... Is it the documentation for ePO 4.0?" Sarcasm as i know it, had never been one of the weak points of mallu's. He was no exception.
Oops there is my manager now. "Ver is that pen and notepad...??? Aaah... pray for me....On second thot, pray for some other poor soul. Things really cant get worse from here can they ;)
FLASHBACK::::::::::::::::::
It all started 2 months ago. As part of my daily ritual, i was just roaming around the office finding who else is as jobless as me, sometimes accidently roaming into the HR section to keep a watchout for potentially interesting new recruits. (If you are a male wondering what might be so interesting in the HR section, you are definitely not above 13 years of age and shouldnt be reading this blog)
Up in the distance i notice that i had encroached upon doing so my managers line of sight. Having faced identical situations b4, i never made such roam abouts without being fully armed. Instanteously, as if by reflex, I pull out the pen from my holster and mini notepad from the dangling quiver. A set of questions i had prepared overnight serve as the neccessary ammunition. i direct my sights to the nearest compadre (read as team-mate) and stun him with a barrage of questions, questions that would have flabbergasted Herbert Schildt himself and in a style that would have made Navjot Singh Sidhu proud.
Its too late. The predator( read as 'my reporting manager') moves stealthily towards the unsuspecting prey (read as 'poor innocent me'). The prey fears for the worst. His mind rapidly starts preparing answers to the questions that would be shot at him with only seconds to do so ("what happend to the task i gav u two weeks ago":"y r u never at ur desk when i come der":"bla -bla bla-bla bla"). He closes his eyes and looks to inspiration from his mentor for such tasks. It would be exactly like it was in the movie 'The Matrix'. If he were quick enuf he could get away with as little as just a tiny scratch from a bullet. IF HE VER LUCKY.
But, what is this? The predator is shelling out a smile at our prey. Is it the calm b4 the storm? (Only later wud our hero realise that it was indeed the Manager's trump card that he had taken out)
"Rohit", he says. "Are you free? I want to discuss something with you".
Long story short, he convinces our hero to take up ePO integration. He didnt have a choice folks. He was lured in with crafty words like, " You will the contact point for two of McAfee's biggest teams" : "Huge visibility" : "Latest technologies" : "Opportunity knockin". OOOOOOHhhh!!! How unsuspecting and gullible mite our hero have been to fall into this trap.
***********************
Flashback over.... wake up folks... :)
Anyways its two months since that day now. To give you a small peak into how things are here right now i am gonna take a small clipping from a mail that i had written to a friend a few days ago.
******************************************
THE SCENE IS A MEETING: Held last Tuesday
******************************************
...Things here have just stepped into a higher gear... Srini(new manager for this task) has just conveyed the importance of the deadline on April 7th.... His exact words were, "I dont want Rohit disturbed at all. Team, dont overload him with work. He already has a lot of work, much more than anyone else in the team. The reputation of MIC is at stake here. (at this point, my heart and stomach start mimickin the noises you mite have heard in Terminator 3: they were still using that silly ploy). Rohit, if you dont want, you dont have to attend the Thursday All Hands meeting at TAJ. You can stay here and work :D... I sheepishly said, "Thank you sir..." for saving me from all that delicious free food - i wished i had added
Ah well... lets c this shud be fun... I dont c the deadline happenin anyway... Yesterday was the second time in the last week that Muthu(my mentor for the task) spent 3 continous hours at my desk before conceding, "Ok Rohit... you are dead... I dont know what to do... Let GOD save you"... You have to appreciate the genuine concern he has... especially considerin that he is an Athiest...
**************************************************
At this point of my typing the mail, my teammate pops by my desk and says. "aio... look at the very busy person sittin der and typin an essay.... Is it the documentation for ePO 4.0?" Sarcasm as i know it, had never been one of the weak points of mallu's. He was no exception.
Oops there is my manager now. "Ver is that pen and notepad...??? Aaah... pray for me....On second thot, pray for some other poor soul. Things really cant get worse from here can they ;)
Friday, March 23, 2007
Everybody has one...
There is a famous saying, "Opinions are like assholes. Everybody has one". Its World Cup season, and the above quotation holds more significance now than it did hold for the last 3 years or for the next three years to come. Its not surprising is it when you are talking about a country of one billion devotees, who worship cricket.
The fact that this is the only team to have seen a REAL LIVE version of the WORLD CUP doesnt exactly help the cause does it. I mean, its probably been a while since the Indian hockey team had a glimpse of the same. Sania Mirza doesnt look to be getting enuf time away from Mohanlal and Malabar Gold Jewellery to play enuf tennis.
Vishwanathan Anand, our only other ray of hope was last seen kidnapped on the premises of NIIT on live TV. Seems a bunch of black coated men think that any Tom, Dick or Harry who walks out of NIIT is good enuf to join the IT race.
He he... wat am I talking abt??? I kno very well, how I got in here... If they were ever looking for software-caliber I would definitely not be in the IT industry folks. I hear, last year, CTS robbed anyone who could spell the word engineer (almost correctly in either English or Tamil) from the Anna University premises. Several children have been reported missing. In one case an 8 year old girl who went to drop a tiffin box to her brother was swept off her feet (the janitor did it) and taken into McAfee Inc. She(then labelled Asst SFTWR Dev Engineer) was sitting in the cubicle next to me , till one fine day I saw her photo in the newspaper:missing (those of who know me wud easily have guessed that it was in Bangalore Times rite next to the Calvin and Hobbes cartoon strip).
I being the good samaritan that I am, immediately reported it to the relevant authorities. U shud hav seen the delite on the face of her parents. I cant really say the same about her though. For reasons beyond me, she actually seemed to be enjoying sittin around in the company, jus browsin around the net and orkut, and getting paid a lot of money. Its almost as if she did not like going to school and doing homework. Strange kid i tell you.
Speaking of kids, i ll wrap up the suspense of our main issue of concern (ya, the one in the last blog that said : "Gee I hope i remember to meet my Vini at FORUM "(b'lore shopping mall)). After several alarms set on my computer, mobile and watch(courtesy cubicle mate) interrupting my busy schedule of hard working (read as perfect blend of orkutting, meebo and pretending to work(considering the upcoming upraisal)) i realised that the ribbon i had tied on my hand was to remind of this very meeting.
Now dis doesnt mean that i was not looking forward to this get together. Far from it, Vini dearest is among my list Top Ten humans i respect the most in this world. A really brave and extremely charming gal. She's had to go thru a lot in life. A lot more than any other i know. And she has kept a brave face thru it all. Seems like nothin can break this little gal. If you meet her, you would definitely say, "This cant be the Vini Rohit is talking about. She is far to cheerful and kiddish for that". Well, that's Vini for you folks. Wat can i say? Some people are born tough. But you dont find many tough ones in such a pretty packaging.
Between... good guess. This girl was my first crush after I came(back) to India. And yes, like all my other previous crushes, she too calls me Bhaiyya. Its like the equivalent of "exit(0)" in computer programming. There is no cleaner escape sequence. Only thing it terminates the parent program (In this case "me") almost instantaneously. Once this set of events has been repeated with one gal, we[most mallu good lookin males ;-) ] pick our selves up and look for the next gal.
(for gal="hotnsmart"; gal > "18 years of age"; gal++)
{
checkoutgal();
meetgal();
if(girl.bhaiyya.muscles > "18 inch biceps")
{
continue; // skip this iteration of the loop
}
elseif(girl.papa == "fond of obscenities" && "walks around with rifle")
{
continue;
}
elseif(girl.callsyou("bhaiyya"))
{
while(brokenhearted)
sleep();
definitelycontinue;
}
if(gal.wantstomarryU)
{
moanAlot();
claimPretentiousResponsibilityToFamily(L"Immediately");
}
elseif(gal.happyAsGalFrnd())
{
keepInMind("There are many good gals out there");
girl.Search("where current grl frnd cant find");
continue;
}
}
}
Chalo... That's enuf for tonite... Gotta watch the India-Sri Lanka match (do you think it is fixed??... Let me know)... Oh and Vini, incase you still dont know, my mobile has been confirmed lost. I cancelled the SIM about 15 minutes after that. Luckily there was a HUTCH shop nearby :)
The fact that this is the only team to have seen a REAL LIVE version of the WORLD CUP doesnt exactly help the cause does it. I mean, its probably been a while since the Indian hockey team had a glimpse of the same. Sania Mirza doesnt look to be getting enuf time away from Mohanlal and Malabar Gold Jewellery to play enuf tennis.
Vishwanathan Anand, our only other ray of hope was last seen kidnapped on the premises of NIIT on live TV. Seems a bunch of black coated men think that any Tom, Dick or Harry who walks out of NIIT is good enuf to join the IT race.
He he... wat am I talking abt??? I kno very well, how I got in here... If they were ever looking for software-caliber I would definitely not be in the IT industry folks. I hear, last year, CTS robbed anyone who could spell the word engineer (almost correctly in either English or Tamil) from the Anna University premises. Several children have been reported missing. In one case an 8 year old girl who went to drop a tiffin box to her brother was swept off her feet (the janitor did it) and taken into McAfee Inc. She(then labelled Asst SFTWR Dev Engineer) was sitting in the cubicle next to me , till one fine day I saw her photo in the newspaper:missing (those of who know me wud easily have guessed that it was in Bangalore Times rite next to the Calvin and Hobbes cartoon strip).
I being the good samaritan that I am, immediately reported it to the relevant authorities. U shud hav seen the delite on the face of her parents. I cant really say the same about her though. For reasons beyond me, she actually seemed to be enjoying sittin around in the company, jus browsin around the net and orkut, and getting paid a lot of money. Its almost as if she did not like going to school and doing homework. Strange kid i tell you.
Speaking of kids, i ll wrap up the suspense of our main issue of concern (ya, the one in the last blog that said : "Gee I hope i remember to meet my Vini at FORUM "(b'lore shopping mall)). After several alarms set on my computer, mobile and watch(courtesy cubicle mate) interrupting my busy schedule of hard working (read as perfect blend of orkutting, meebo and pretending to work(considering the upcoming upraisal)) i realised that the ribbon i had tied on my hand was to remind of this very meeting.
Now dis doesnt mean that i was not looking forward to this get together. Far from it, Vini dearest is among my list Top Ten humans i respect the most in this world. A really brave and extremely charming gal. She's had to go thru a lot in life. A lot more than any other i know. And she has kept a brave face thru it all. Seems like nothin can break this little gal. If you meet her, you would definitely say, "This cant be the Vini Rohit is talking about. She is far to cheerful and kiddish for that". Well, that's Vini for you folks. Wat can i say? Some people are born tough. But you dont find many tough ones in such a pretty packaging.
Between... good guess. This girl was my first crush after I came(back) to India. And yes, like all my other previous crushes, she too calls me Bhaiyya. Its like the equivalent of "exit(0)" in computer programming. There is no cleaner escape sequence. Only thing it terminates the parent program (In this case "me") almost instantaneously. Once this set of events has been repeated with one gal, we[most mallu good lookin males ;-) ] pick our selves up and look for the next gal.
(for gal="hotnsmart"; gal > "18 years of age"; gal++)
{
checkoutgal();
meetgal();
if(girl.bhaiyya.muscles > "18 inch biceps")
{
continue; // skip this iteration of the loop
}
elseif(girl.papa == "fond of obscenities" && "walks around with rifle")
{
continue;
}
elseif(girl.callsyou("bhaiyya"))
{
while(brokenhearted)
sleep();
definitelycontinue;
}
if(gal.wantstomarryU)
{
moanAlot();
claimPretentiousResponsibilityToFamily(L"Immediately");
}
elseif(gal.happyAsGalFrnd())
{
keepInMind("There are many good gals out there");
girl.Search("where current grl frnd cant find");
continue;
}
}
}
Chalo... That's enuf for tonite... Gotta watch the India-Sri Lanka match (do you think it is fixed??... Let me know)... Oh and Vini, incase you still dont know, my mobile has been confirmed lost. I cancelled the SIM about 15 minutes after that. Luckily there was a HUTCH shop nearby :)
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
Jus ven u think dat u have HEARD IT ALL...!!!
"You, know I am not sure, but I think dat it maybe because I have seen your handwriting(yesterday) that I feel more comfortable speaking to you." I had known this gal for what 4 months now. We used to have coffee every other day where we spent time cribbing about team mates and tech leads alike. Ordinarily, this is the last statement you would expect in such a scenario. But such out of the blue comments are not out of common place once you are acquainted to someone like Nisha Unni :)
No siree... nothin is out of common place with this gal... You would have almost instantaneous variations from this extremely mature bhuji (read wunderkid) to this little kiddish gal who shud ideally be sitting in kindergarden...."Enikku pathu biscuit venam... ippol venam... ippol thanne venam"... Ha ha.... married is one word you would definitely never associate her with in these instances.
Today, incidently is her last day in India (atleast for a long time).... "E Lufthansa plane enganne ondu... Nalla plane aanengile njaan pokullu... Rohit aarodengilum choodikkumo e plane enganne undennu"... Che... no more of all the silliness... no more of all the cribbin... no more flashes of lightning smiles (dat cud zap all ur worries in an instant, as if they were non-existent) its gonna be a dull couple of years in McAfee (or watevr period it is dat I am going to remain in this company)
He he... its not really been very different over the previous 22 years of my life either... Meet new friends... become close friends.... change city town all over again... meet new friends... become good friends... wat is surprisin though is that in all these years I have never grown tired of this routine... Maybe its coz every time I have such a thought, GOD sends me a whole new lot of 'GEM of a friend' like I had in Nish.... which reminds me... Vini is town for a couple of days... Have to figure some excuse and run out of office early tomorrow... Have to meet her somewhere around afternoon. (one of u please remind me round about)
I know its short notice considerin that it is already 1:52 am... That leaves you with less than 15 hours to find this blog... stay awake for the whole period that you attempt to read this... Make three continous trips to the bathroom( to wash your face) and then find your mobile and set an alarm ... wow ... you have your work cut out for you...
What am I doing awake so late into the night you ask??? Well, I am with a couple of office mates... celebrating i think.... the host is happy that he has finally gotten hands on Moto Ming(A- 1200) ... less about the fact that it is touch screen and more about the fact that it is Open Source ( so that he can code applications for the same)... wow... some people live in a totally different realm of life dont they... I have really met a different breed of people after coming here (b'lore) i mean... The other day i met this chap in Wipro VLSI... You did think that he was having an orgasm talking about the latest Intel sheets... 'Did you see the slope on the V-I curve it seems?' Ha ha... wonder if anything will ever surprise me now.
Time will tell.... In the meanwhile, I have got bigger and more important questions that need answering now... Like... Will I even manage to complete two out of the three tasks for which my latest deadline has been set... Will I even see the hint of a raise this year ( much less a promotion)... And even more importantly will I make it to office tomorrow in time... :) after the hefty dinner (nothin short of 6 chicken legs, two lime juices, one bottle of fanta one plate of chicken fried rice, loads of peanuts, more hyderabradi chicken and even fried fish... Indi Joe buffets were never this good)... mayb i shud buy this dude a mobile once every week.. ;)
No siree... nothin is out of common place with this gal... You would have almost instantaneous variations from this extremely mature bhuji (read wunderkid) to this little kiddish gal who shud ideally be sitting in kindergarden...."Enikku pathu biscuit venam... ippol venam... ippol thanne venam"... Ha ha.... married is one word you would definitely never associate her with in these instances.
Today, incidently is her last day in India (atleast for a long time).... "E Lufthansa plane enganne ondu... Nalla plane aanengile njaan pokullu... Rohit aarodengilum choodikkumo e plane enganne undennu"... Che... no more of all the silliness... no more of all the cribbin... no more flashes of lightning smiles (dat cud zap all ur worries in an instant, as if they were non-existent) its gonna be a dull couple of years in McAfee (or watevr period it is dat I am going to remain in this company)
He he... its not really been very different over the previous 22 years of my life either... Meet new friends... become close friends.... change city town all over again... meet new friends... become good friends... wat is surprisin though is that in all these years I have never grown tired of this routine... Maybe its coz every time I have such a thought, GOD sends me a whole new lot of 'GEM of a friend' like I had in Nish.... which reminds me... Vini is town for a couple of days... Have to figure some excuse and run out of office early tomorrow... Have to meet her somewhere around afternoon. (one of u please remind me round about)
I know its short notice considerin that it is already 1:52 am... That leaves you with less than 15 hours to find this blog... stay awake for the whole period that you attempt to read this... Make three continous trips to the bathroom( to wash your face) and then find your mobile and set an alarm ... wow ... you have your work cut out for you...
What am I doing awake so late into the night you ask??? Well, I am with a couple of office mates... celebrating i think.... the host is happy that he has finally gotten hands on Moto Ming(A- 1200) ... less about the fact that it is touch screen and more about the fact that it is Open Source ( so that he can code applications for the same)... wow... some people live in a totally different realm of life dont they... I have really met a different breed of people after coming here (b'lore) i mean... The other day i met this chap in Wipro VLSI... You did think that he was having an orgasm talking about the latest Intel sheets... 'Did you see the slope on the V-I curve it seems?' Ha ha... wonder if anything will ever surprise me now.
Time will tell.... In the meanwhile, I have got bigger and more important questions that need answering now... Like... Will I even manage to complete two out of the three tasks for which my latest deadline has been set... Will I even see the hint of a raise this year ( much less a promotion)... And even more importantly will I make it to office tomorrow in time... :) after the hefty dinner (nothin short of 6 chicken legs, two lime juices, one bottle of fanta one plate of chicken fried rice, loads of peanuts, more hyderabradi chicken and even fried fish... Indi Joe buffets were never this good)... mayb i shud buy this dude a mobile once every week.. ;)
Monday, March 12, 2007
I am bored!!!!
Oh MY GOD !!!! (No, The Friends Cast hasnt trademarked this)
What a boring day... what a boring day... actually, more like a useless day... My butt has nevr served more purpose to me than today... I cud actually drop an egg onto my chair n expect it to hatch, considering the amount of time i have spent on this chair... Wow... Uselessness has reached new limits... I hav successfully ventured beyond what no McAlorean has done or will do for sometime to come.
Its not that I am a lazy bum who is working hard (excuse the irony) to avoid hard work... No no no... Infact, last Friday i was here upto two in the mornin (workin -ok Soumya... I kno wat ur perverted mind is thinkin) and if that wasnt enuf, I came here again on Saturday ( fer those non-believers (and also fer those who know me only too well) - i hav eye witnesses u kno... ) ... Nothin much was actually achieved in the duration (that is if you count the lines of code)... wat i did manage to understand was that the work i had done fer the past couple of weeks, was well, pointless to say the least... ( i m trying not to use the word useless in an attempt to boost self morale... :))
So... like they say in the movies (and for quite a while in Microsoft Developer labs)... its back to the drawing board. El Scratcho all the past work and restart from ground zero... :)... he he... its kinda become routine re-iterating the same things in the meeting room
You see, in my previous team, i used to be worried once a week on what i was gonna report as STATUS update... Now, with this new team, which i luv so much (unsurpassed heights of sarcasm here folks), which holds meetings , everyday... I have to reiterate the word zero everyday... Actually, I am slowly mastering the art of making zero sound like 3987.56-3987.5593... Its close to zero i kno, but, i m sure 3987.56 sounds a lot better... Once i have successfully mastered this art, its outta here and try for an MBA (or bein a politician)
In other news, focal is closing in on me (for those souls who are not accustomed to McAfee lingology, focal refers to that point of the year, where the biggest bull-shitter gets the biggest hike in salary... )... Its not for the common man folks... u need to spend hours in front of that PC fillin up a form, written by a half retarded jobless MBA freak (frm whom else can u expect fields like -
Customer Focus (Eng)
Integrity/Ethics
Planning, Organizing and Schedule Estimation
Process Excellence (Eng)
Product & Technical Knowledge (Eng)
Results Focus (Eng)
Software Development
Teamwork, Flexibility and Adaptability (Eng)
Communication
Creativity/Innovation
as goals which each ENGINEER has to write an essay on in no less than 200 words each... Our best developers are rite now tearin the web apart trying to figure out how they cud map any of the work they have done to the fields above... Sounds easy... well... take a minute and pick any two topics out of that and just pen down in say150 words (ya ... i m in a good mood today) ... if u successfully achieve that, well, please mail me its contents... :)... I ll need it.
So... here I am trying to figure out what it is under the sun that I can pen down to make ALL THE WORK I have done (all the three lines of code) and make it sound like it has really turned the company around.... Well, bull shittin is not somethin dat i am new at... Thats how I got in here in the first place... I really do deserve to be a manager dont I (zero work mapped to infinite jargon of complex words, that if you really (and only if you really) analyse will you realise is no different frm our earlier analogy of 3987.56-3987.5593..
wow.... now dats wat u call an analogy
What a boring day... what a boring day... actually, more like a useless day... My butt has nevr served more purpose to me than today... I cud actually drop an egg onto my chair n expect it to hatch, considering the amount of time i have spent on this chair... Wow... Uselessness has reached new limits... I hav successfully ventured beyond what no McAlorean has done or will do for sometime to come.
Its not that I am a lazy bum who is working hard (excuse the irony) to avoid hard work... No no no... Infact, last Friday i was here upto two in the mornin (workin -ok Soumya... I kno wat ur perverted mind is thinkin) and if that wasnt enuf, I came here again on Saturday ( fer those non-believers (and also fer those who know me only too well) - i hav eye witnesses u kno... ) ... Nothin much was actually achieved in the duration (that is if you count the lines of code)... wat i did manage to understand was that the work i had done fer the past couple of weeks, was well, pointless to say the least... ( i m trying not to use the word useless in an attempt to boost self morale... :))
So... like they say in the movies (and for quite a while in Microsoft Developer labs)... its back to the drawing board. El Scratcho all the past work and restart from ground zero... :)... he he... its kinda become routine re-iterating the same things in the meeting room
You see, in my previous team, i used to be worried once a week on what i was gonna report as STATUS update... Now, with this new team, which i luv so much (unsurpassed heights of sarcasm here folks), which holds meetings , everyday... I have to reiterate the word zero everyday... Actually, I am slowly mastering the art of making zero sound like 3987.56-3987.5593... Its close to zero i kno, but, i m sure 3987.56 sounds a lot better... Once i have successfully mastered this art, its outta here and try for an MBA (or bein a politician)
In other news, focal is closing in on me (for those souls who are not accustomed to McAfee lingology, focal refers to that point of the year, where the biggest bull-shitter gets the biggest hike in salary... )... Its not for the common man folks... u need to spend hours in front of that PC fillin up a form, written by a half retarded jobless MBA freak (frm whom else can u expect fields like -
Customer Focus (Eng)
Integrity/Ethics
Planning, Organizing and Schedule Estimation
Process Excellence (Eng)
Product & Technical Knowledge (Eng)
Results Focus (Eng)
Software Development
Teamwork, Flexibility and Adaptability (Eng)
Communication
Creativity/Innovation
as goals which each ENGINEER has to write an essay on in no less than 200 words each... Our best developers are rite now tearin the web apart trying to figure out how they cud map any of the work they have done to the fields above... Sounds easy... well... take a minute and pick any two topics out of that and just pen down in say150 words (ya ... i m in a good mood today) ... if u successfully achieve that, well, please mail me its contents... :)... I ll need it.
So... here I am trying to figure out what it is under the sun that I can pen down to make ALL THE WORK I have done (all the three lines of code) and make it sound like it has really turned the company around.... Well, bull shittin is not somethin dat i am new at... Thats how I got in here in the first place... I really do deserve to be a manager dont I (zero work mapped to infinite jargon of complex words, that if you really (and only if you really) analyse will you realise is no different frm our earlier analogy of 3987.56-3987.5593..
wow.... now dats wat u call an analogy
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